As world mental health day passed by I couldn't help reflect on my journey with anxiety. People around me can never tell the difference between my confidence and my nervous chatty behavior. However my inner voice and self never relaxes for a second. High functioning anxiety is funny it gets you out of the bed all while it leaves for paralyzed with self-doubt.
Too many South-Asian kids relate to this feeling inside of us,
This feeling that no matter how hard we try it's not enough.
The difference is the source of motivation with anxiety it's mostly "fear".
It began to young for a lot of us and continues to happen to us, young kids commit or attempt suicide paralyzed by fear, reliant on substances way to young to just find some inner peace.
The isolation that comes with running on anxiety is just another level of lonely.
Especially when you are an adult holding employment or a parent with very real responsibilities.
You go to extreme heights to hide how scattered you truly feel and with no one to share those very real feelings to gets very lonely at times.
Post pandemic a lot of us have had brushes with mental breakdowns feel we have the permission to for the first time talk out the very real anxiety monster that has lurked over our shoulders for way too long.
Coming to terms with this was harder than depression.
How do you admit that your not an exterior of well put together human ?
Instead you are struggling,
Struggling to stay afloat!
Struggling with your inner thoughts,
Spiraling in self-doubt ?
Accepting however did anything but that for me, it set me free :)
I often find the flow of anxiety ebbs and flows but today I'm much further along in my journey with it than i was when i denied it.
Knowing your symptoms will ensure to schedule some time for rest because we know that's what high functioning anxiety does best.
It teaches you to schedule things.
Coping and living a life with your true self will lead to a pathway that is free of false expectations.